OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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