Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
