I murdered the dance floor call the cops
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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