im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
