hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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