Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
