I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
