gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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