cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
