Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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