everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
