My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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