So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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