I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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