i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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