Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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