we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize