i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
