Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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