Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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