My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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