2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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