Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
