A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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