Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
