that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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