she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
