You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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