I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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