so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
