Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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