I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize