She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
