I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
