how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
