Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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