atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
