i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
