i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
