Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Never joke about your clitoris.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
