yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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