If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
