doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
