its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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