I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
