I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
