You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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