I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
