so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
