hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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