its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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