we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
