I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i dont even know how to be here
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
