hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
