i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize