I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
