Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
