My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
