my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
