u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
