we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
