Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
