The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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