also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
