Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize