It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
