oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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