Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize