We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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